Happy Valentines 2013

"I'm afraid to love again. Every person that step into my life leaves, leaving me broken more then shattered glass."

OT: hoity-toity

pinakilig mo ako...
pero iniwan sa ere...
sabi mo pangarap mo lang ako...
so i tried to reach you...
but you refused to...
i let go of you and decided to move on...
i was in the dark for a moment...
until someone lit the room...
i pictured myself with someone else...
then bigla ka na naman nagparamdam...
sa iyong pagbabalik i realized how i have missed you more...
sedda-ay kon aya...
you are so unfair... but could this be it?...
should i go back or should i move forward... :((
at this time, my brain is on my feet.. however, my turbid heart is getting numb...
who to follow?

#apple

What Is a Man?

Yeah, what is a man? I have read this article from esquire and would like to share in my blog as well...

"A man carries cash. A man looks out for those around him — woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook eggs. A man can always find something good to watch on television. A man makes things — a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds — engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality. A man can speak to dogs. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn't care if he gets busted once in a while. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale breast, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the snatch, by the wrist, the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee. When his woman bends to pick up her underwear, he feels that thrum that only a man can feel.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man looks out for children. Makes them stand behind him.

A man knows how to bust balls.

A man has had liquor enough in his life that he can order a drink without sounding breathless, clueless, or obtuse. When he doesn't want to think, he orders bourbon or something on tap.

Never the sauvignon blanc.

A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man gets the door. Without thinking.

He stops traffic when he must.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man knows his tools and how to use them — just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.

A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Drinking, playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.

He knows how to lose a month, also.

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.

Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.

A man loves driving alone most of all.

Style — a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It's a set of rules.

He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this — to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next."

http://www.esquire.com/features/what-is-a-man-0509

What is a Woman?

What is a Woman Worth?

Guest post by Brooke Elise Axtell

Every day I am bombarded with conflicting images and media messages that tell me that I am lacking. Relentless consumption framed as self-improvement depends on the lie that we will never be enough.

What is lost in the onslaught of ads (and ads posing as television shows) are the authentic desires of women. Diverse women. Women of color. Women who are sexually fluid. Women who know that desire is an unfolding process, a transformative conversation engaging body and soul.

When we place the power to define our worth in someone else’s hands, we are often told that we only want to be wanted. This artificial script leaves us with an extremely narrow role: to be a pleaser.

If we accept society’s definition and  remain disconnected from our authentic desires, our lives are drained of meaning, emotionally and financially. In this emptied state, we fail to take the initiative to negotiate higher salaries or raise our fees to match our true market value.

We Cannot Negotiate Our Value Unless We Know Our Worth

We can learn all the techniques available to create mutually beneficial agreements, but cannot even begin a conversation about our value unless we know our worth.

As much as we may deny it, our relationship with money mirrors our relationship with ourselves. If we do not build a foundation of self-care, we will never know financial freedom. Do we live beyond our means because we are trying to fill a hunger we cannot name? Do we fail to ask to be well paid because we’ve never been clear about our own value?

-Forbes

when the right time comes (gasgas na title)...

"Roxanne, mag-asawa ka na!!".. "Roxie, bakit single ka pa?".. "Roxie, you’re not getting any younger, it’s time for you to get marry".. ANO BA!!!... Ba’t ba atat na atat kayong mag asawa ako… sino bang magpapakasal, sino bang makikisama, at higit sa lahat sino bang gagastos at mamomroblema. Ok fine... I am getting old(daw?) kaka-28 ko lang kaya! So what? Matagal pa ko mawawala sa kalendaryo.  Are there any laws in the universe that says ‘you are born to get married’? Hello!!.. Of course naisip ko din mag-asawa, but what can I do? I am happier being single. It is true, I am. Sa lahat ng ayoko, me nangengealam saken. Nagpapanting ang ears ko kapag pinapakealaman ang bawat galaw ko at minomonitor ang bawat lakad ko. I have my own planner-traditional&online; I don’t need any human scheduler. Siguro nga I was born to live alone. Nasobrahan siguro ako ng independence. I am used to planning and running my own life, my life is my business. Of course I’m not closing myself to be in any relationship, masarap kaya ma-inlove at makilig. I love being pampered. But commitment? Uh uh. No, no, and no. Not yet, maybe in the future, everything changes. But right now, it is sure, I am pretty sure, AYOKO PA! Bakit ba ayokong pakawalan ang status kong single? Simple, I held my own time, my own money especially my own life. I don’t have to cook for someone, to wash clothes of someone else’s nor clean the house when I’m not in the mood. I can go anywhere I want at any time without having to ask permission to someone. I hate arguments, grudges, and bitterness. Ok, masarap daw me ka-cuddle, masarap daw gumising na me katabi. Hello! Nasa pinas tayo, mainit!! Isa din sa lahat ng ayoko ay ang kinukulit. Hot-headed ako, I get angry and annoyed easily kaya kawawa lang ang magiging partner ko kung sakali. Mainipin ako at madaling magsawa. I do not stay in one place. Sabi ko nga eh, NPA ako, no permanent address. Ganun din sa marriage, natatakot ako na baka hindi ako magtagal at bigla akong sumuko. Wala pa namang divorce dito sa pinas. Siguro pag nagkaroon na ng divorce dito, pwede kong pag-isipan :D. I’m  a christian, a Roman Catholic, pero open-minded ako. Kung ayaw na, pakawalan na. No one can judge me but God ika nga nung isang friend ko. Hindi naman siguro ako parurusahan ni God sa paniniwala kong ito. For as long as wala akong ginagawang masama at inaagrabyadong tao. Mas masama pa nga ang magkunwari and wear different masks everyday pretending to be happy and contended with their own relatioship. But anyway, back to the topic itself.. hindi naman ako bato, kinikilig din naman ako kapag nakakapanood o nakakabasa ng mga teeny bopper love stories. Siyempre nangarap din ako ng fairy tale . In fact, naiinggit nga ako ke Kate Middleton at nasilayan siya ni Prince William, (<- hay mas bagay kaya kame). Kaso nga lang, hindi ako kinikilig sa sarili kong fairytale, parang walang dating saken ang sarili kong love story. Nagkakaboyfriend din naman ako, kaso nga lang wala eh. Di kami nag-click, di ko naramdaman yung sinasabi nilang spark. Nu ba un? Unfair nga sa kanila eh, masyado silang naging mabait para saken. Aw!, ‘di naman ako ganun kasalbahe. Masyado lang akong cold sa mga past relationship ko. Hindi ako naeexcite sa mga dates namin, siguro nung mga first or second dates. And then the succeeding dates… no comment and no offense. Wala namang mali sa kanila, ako lang talaga. Sabi nga ng mga friends ko, masyado daw akong choosy and intimidating. Di naman eh, gusto ko lang talaga ng hindi boring na relationship (I get easily bored, emong-emo lang eh haha) ayoko nang ako ang nagdadala ng isang relasyon, I don’t like questions (“Women don’t like questions” ika nga ni Angelina Jolie sa The Tourist which is true). Ayoko nang lagi na lang akong tinatanong sa lahat nang bagay ultimo pagkain at kung saan pupunta. Siyempre naiintindihan ko naman that you just wanted to please your girl by asking what she want pero namaaan, ikaw ang nag-aya, you should initiate, you should have a plan before demanding a date. Pero hindi naman ako nagger, in fact I never nagged at my boyfriends (2 lng nmn) before. When I get annoyed, I just walked off, no arguments, no talks. Naiba na ata ako ng topic, I just wanted to emphasize reasons why I prefer NOT to be in a relationship. Of course there are times I am thinking of having a boyfriend again especially when I get pressured by the people around me, para matigil lang sila, but I don’t want to jump into a relationship again without certainty. Being single is a once in a lifetime experience that I want to savour and enjoy. If the time comes for me to settle down, I’ll make sure that he really is the right one I want to spend my whole life with, dahil narealize ko na mahal din pala ata ang mag-file divorce haha. But if not, and I am really bound to be a spinster forever, then so be it. I will enjoy my life for as long as it takes, gasgas na pero hellooo... ano naman ang gagawin ko, magmukmok forever? Nevah! I will see you with your wedding ring on your finger, but me, I got the world in my hands and will spin on my fingers.